July 28, 2007 by dunny.

SkipLizard doesn’t give in when the going gets tough.  We rise to the occasion.

Our water pump went out in the middle of the night just after we had crossed the Romanian border.  We refilled the radiator with water at a rest stop and made it about 30km further to Cluj Napoci when the Chariot went into the RED.  We stopped at a gas station and started stretching so we could fight those bitch bolts.

Keep in mind…our tools are shitty.  Beyond worthless, really.  Long story short, there were two huge bolts that we couldn’t get off and had no chance of getting off.  All that happened was us standing on the car grunting and sweating and tugging until finally we gave up and passed out sitting up in the car.  Yup, in the gas station parking lot.  With truckers staring at us.

Up the next morning and had a few more bouts but figured all we were doing was bending the engine screws so we went off to try and find a mechanic.  Put the beast back together and found one just down the road, but he was too busy to help.  He just gave us a few hints and sent us on our way.  At least he spoke English.

Back to the gas station parking lot only to find yet another bolt we had no chance at.  So we pissed around and got bitchy with each other, put the beast back together (again), filled the radiator up and added some sealant and kept driving.

At, the next town we got to we pulled off at a garage immediately and found some dudes to help us (they had real tools).  We got the new pump in and got the Chariot humming like new.  We haggled over a price and eventually gave him some American bills and had him sign the car.  AND…get ready for this…the town is called Turda.  We got our turd of a water pump fixed in a town called Turda.  Awesome makes the world go round.

Right, so we were off to Transylvania.  I think the biggest surprise of the trip so far was how absolutely amazing the Romanian countryside is.  It’s absolutely gorgeous…sheep everywhere…cows walking in the road in the small towns…horse-drawn carts everywhere…we were in awe.  We made a quick stop by Bran Castle (Dracula’s place) and got back on the road.  Being a day behind, we had to hurry and get to the Black Sea coast in Bulgaria and hit the beach.

That meant another drive all night event though…much tougher this time though because the Bulgarians invented an alphabet that uses numbers and stars and exploding mushrooms to represent sounds.  We got lost immediately after crossing the border and had to navigate back to our entry-point (Ruse) using star-naviagation.  I’m not joking.  We went back north to the border using the North Star b/c our compass doesn’t work.

Right, so some time around 5 or 6am Andy started hallucinating and imagining people and bodies in the road and had to take a couple road-side naps.  I eventually took the reins and got us to Varna on the coast to meet up with Nick and his Bulgarian lady, Lili.  Had to hit an internet cafe then a pay phone to wake the lovebirds up at 9.  Lili told us where to meet and we bounced around that crazy beach town and finally got a cabbie to lead us and got out of the SJ.

We had a couple beers and some pizza and hit the beach.  After a quick swim and a few peaks at all the topless women we passed out in the sand in legendary fashion.  A 3 hour nap never felt so good.

Had showers at Lili’s grandma’s place there in Varna then headed north to Golden Sands to some friends of Lili…Svetla and his chick whose name I won’t even try to spell…who were staying at Svetla’s grandparent’s cottage in the hills overlooking the sea, with an outdoor kitchen and a case of beer with 11% alcohol.  Had dinner and hit the town nearby, and since we didn’t have to drive through the night finally we just drank a bunch of Tequila instead. 

Woke up at 2pm wondering why we were still drunk and went back to the beach.  Spent the whole day there admiring more and more gorgeous women and gold sand and blue water…then had a quick dinner…and were off for Istanbul.

We’re here now, safe and sound and marvelously happy.  I’ll save the tale of the 11 hour drive along the Bulgarian coast for Andy…partly because I’m exhausted, but mostly because I never want to speak of it again.  Sorry for the delay in posting, apparently we caused a good panic back home (and Andy couldn’t help but post about breaking down since we didn’t get the chance when it actually happened)…but if you learn a lesson here, it’s that we will not fail.  We will not be held down.  We will not succumb.  All we know is awesome.  Sit back, take a deep breath, and marvel away at the fact that we have now covered 10 countries and 2500 miles in 6 days, met more badass people and had more wild experiences than we may have ever had, and ended up in an Executive Suite at the Hilton with a balcony overlooking Istanbul that was given to us for free (thanks again Lisanbes).

Starting today, comfort goes downhill fast.  But that means the fun goes up.  You thought the awesomemeter was in the red up to this point?  Just wait my friends.  Baku, Azerbaijan and Jane Barker are next on the list…we’ll be there either tomorrow or Monday and it may be until then that we’ll get internet.  But no worries folks.  SkipLizard finds a way.

Here’s to being awesome.

Skip, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 25, 2007 by Andy.

What do you do when your car breaks down with a busted water pump in Cluj Napoci, Romania…you have no phone card or internet access…you speak 0 words of Romanian…debit cards don’t work (in Romania)…your crappy tools can’t get the bolts off…and frustrations/exhaustedness are mounting…?

Suggestions?

Be back in a bit…

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July 24, 2007 by dunny.

We hit the road from Prague yesterday, headed to Budapest, Hungary for the night.  The drive was going fine and dandy…we were about 5 miles from the Czech-Slovak border and pulled into a gas station (so as to not spend ANY money in Slovakia…4:1 on the dollar apparently…how I’ll never know).  We pulled around back to eat our hot dogs as Andy expressed his bad feeling about the upcoming border.

Then up comes a Police van followed by two big Mercedes Paddy-wagons.  They blocked us in, walked over, and basically said since we didn’t have an Autobahn sticker on the car we had to pay a 200 Euro fine or go to jail.  What do you do?  You play dumb American.

Back and forth we just pretended we didn’t understand what the hell they were talking about…except we weren’t really pretended b/c we had no earthly idea what they wanted besides money.  Finally one of the cops pulled out a cell phone and called what we think was a friend that spoke English, so Andy jumped on and played the charity-rally-we-just-didn’t-know card while I schmoozed the cops some.  Long story short, we convinced them to just let us buy the Autobahn sticker and go with no fine or arrest or sever beating.

Hit the border, went straight through Slovakia, spent about 10 seconds in the corner of Austria, then into Hungary.  We found Budapest, knowing only that our hotel was somewhere on the northwest side of the river.  Then we realized Budapest has 3 rivers and follow the trend of not labeling their streets.  Oh, and let’s not forget, our water pump went out about 200km ago and we were overheating.

We got as close as we could figure to where we were supposed to be, and I ran into a Radisson and asked directions.  We were 2 blocks from our hotel.  Dumb luck?  Nah, pure brilliance.  Akos (pronounced Aakosh) and Leonel checked us over a few times to figure out why to hairy grease monkeys had an executive suite, then fell all over our story and drew a big Hungarian flag on the car for us.  Thanks fellas, yall rock.

Fell asleep quick after showers…staying in the nicest hotel room either of us has ever seen (thanks to Sam & Moni Lisenbe)…up this morning to figure out the next step.  Andy ran downstairs and found an off-license taxi driver named Zoltan Lukais (sorry if we misspelled bud) who called all his buddies and eventually found us a water pump, to be changed later today at some rest stop.  The guy even loaned us the cash for the part until we could find a machine…welcome to the Awesome Club homeboy.

On the way to the place, the taxi passed 4 Rally cars who immediately recognized Andy’s devil beard and screamed “Why the hell are you in a Mercedes?!?,” to which Andy yelled “Our water pump burst!!  Why yall here??,” to which they said “We’re lost!!” to which Andy said “The river’s that way!!”  The Party never stops people.

We’re fixin to head out…going to Transylvania today to hang with Dracula and check out Bran Castle where Vlad the Impaler once lived.  We’ll probably camp somewhere in the woods so sit tight until Thursday or Friday when we can get some Internet again.  As always, keep puttin up awesome.

Skip, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 23, 2007 by dunny.

Not much internet time, so I’ll be quick.  We woke up Saturday morning and threw our gear in the Chariot with about 45 minutes to get to Hyde Park (in the heart of London) for the Rally Launch.  It took over 2 hours.  London is ridiculous.  It’s a fantastic city, but if you ever drive there after reading this post it’s your own fault if your head explodes.  It got to the point where people we asked for directions would give us different answers for something 3 blocks away…we went the wrong way down a one-way and rana bunch of lights completely by accident…we even drove through Buckingham Palace, but sadly, Andy wasn’t on his game and the Queen turned him down.

Now, as for the Launch…that 2 hours may have been the most fun of all time.  We rolled up to people cheering and screaming, parked, checked in, decorated the Chariot, and got interviewed/filmed but loads of people (including the Discovery Channel).  We screamed and hollered, ran around like wild men, made last minute changes to our route, received a bunch of goodies to bring to CNCF in Mongolia, and were off.

We made it to Prague at 3pm local time.  We drove for 24 hours straight.  Here’s how it went down…

We left the Launch and worked our way back out of London and down to Dover to catch the 6pm ferry to Calais, France.  That went without a hitch, and the ferry was badass.  We saw the white cliffs of Dover and had a pint and met more Ralliers.  Once in France, we went east.  That was pretty much the extent of navigation, as we had no map of Europe and only a zoomed-in printout of the meeting place in Prague the Rally Honchos gave us before we left.

***Disclaimer…the next paragraph is not for youngins***

We stopped for gas somewhere in France.  I had just dozed off and Andy decided to try and keep from doing that again, so he went in and bought the dirtiest French porn magazine he could find and was on his way out to lay it in my lap and take a bunch of bribery pictures.  Luckily, my bladder intervened and I was in the restroom.  Now say what you want about the purchase, but like many things we’ll own on this trip, it basically turned into currency…

We went through Belgium, which was celebrating its national holiday.  We pulled in for gas again in Brussels and the parking lot was like a huge party.  We parked up and got to talking with some people, and up walks this dude in a jail-bird costume named Bart.  He was carrying a bottle of wine and said he had to trade it for something else.  We were digging through all our crap trying to find something worth contributing to a bachelor party, when Andy grins and reaches down and pulls out the porn.  They screamed, we screamed, pictures were taken, and Bart and his bud Steven signed the car.  To whoever says we’ll miss out on culture by driving right through countries, I give you Brussels on their national celebration.

Then we drove across Germany.  Yup, right across her.  We went through Frankfort and Wurzberg and Nurnbern, then the highway ran out.  So we were lost somewhere in the Southeastern German countryside for an hour or so, then found the other side of the construction one mile away from where it ran out.  Whop.  Then off to the Czech Republic chugging energy drinks (called “Ex,” some natural Kombucha energy drink the Rally Honchos gave us…it’s completely awesome) and trying to maintain sanity.

We pulled into Prague and we were hallucinating.  We were exhausted.  Well, we were also in a major Eastern European city with no map, address, or understanding of why they have words without vowels.  We basically just drove towards “Centrum” under the assumption that meant “Center” and found the middle of the city.  Prague is amazing.  It’s got cobble-stone streets and more historic looking buildings than anything I’ve seen.  We eventually found directions to the bar where the Rally Party was going to be, then found someone who spoke enough English to give us directions to our hotel, and crashed for a while.  We woke up around 8 and headed to the Rally Party, had a couple burgers and some beer, and walked around the city until 3am.

The wildest part was seeing all those people we saw in England.  Everyone was exhausted.  It just doesn’t matter.  It’s like everybody here has known each other for years.  Imagine having a chat with two people from New Jersey while on a ferry from England to France, then getting in a car and driving 800 miles to Prague, going to a bar and talking to the same people about the crap you encountered on the way.  Awesome…in every way possible…

…and that’s just Day 1 in Europe people.

We’re fixin to walk around Prague for a spell then it’s on to Budapest, Hungary.  I’ll try and put up some pics in the next post.  Keep putting up awesome, folks…you know we will

Skip, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 20, 2007 by dunny.

We got so caught up writing about Master Theobald we haven’t even written about London yet!  Holy Hell!!!

After the “barbie” with Steve, we drove into London to meet up with Stevie and try to relive some of the Chicago glory of years past.  Tuesday night was reserved for collapsing from the meat coma the Theobalds so gloriously gave us…which extended long into Wednesday.  That night we walked around the Thames and had some meat pies and a few pints, saw some London sites and ended up in a Jazz bar that apparently used to be a public restroom.  Yup, just our kind of place.

Thursday night got a little out of hand…in an awesome sort of way.  Long story short, we went to a boat bar reminiscent of a Louisana floating casino, only 1/18th the size and no gambling.  We had one last fish and chips and a few more Guinies waiting for the New York crew that ended up with Master Theobald the night before, and ended up in an American themed nightclub with a band that played everything from The Killers to Rage covers and danced and drank and played good-cop-bad-cop up to the point when Andy got thrown out…just like being back home I reckon.

Friday we rousted and got cooked breakfast by Stevie’s little brother Andy (yeah these name similarities are confusing us too) and did all our last minute shopping, AND…..dah, dah, DAAAHHHHHH…….found the post office and picked up our passports and international drivers permits!!  After 1000 miles in South England we actually have passports and legality for driving.  Fantastic.

This past evening we graced the official Rally Launch Party at some cleared out warehouse and shot it with a load of other teams, like another New York team we may end up with in Romania and Bulgaria for a few quick climbing excursions…turns out they’re filming for MTV and we may end up in those end-of-the-hour news recaps or some shit.  Oh, and Young Osbourne was there for a spell.  Great.

Now, as for London.  They don’t label streets.  The streets never run parallel.  You enter highways only in spots you absolutely don’t want to.  You ask directions and the person is usually Polish.  Driving in rush-hour puts Houston to shame.  Bold statement indeed.  Whatever.

The mass transit is completely awesome.  I guess that goes for all of England, but you can be anywhere in London and get to somewhere else 10 miles away in no more than 8 hours.  Sport a cowboy hat and you make conversation with whatever streem bums you want…it’s like being a celebrity that nobody really loves but would kill to talk to.  It’s about 4am here and we have to be in Hyde Park by 10 to get ready to go…after a pawn shop stop for a golf club and some paint pens for the Chariot.

Look, London is busy.  But it’s a blast.  We may be country boys but we can roll a city like nobody’s business.  Smarter men wouldn’t do it hours before they have to drive from London to Prague in a day, but dadgum we could go home now and say we had an adventure of legendary proportions.  Smarter men wouldn’t preface the adventure of a lifetime with an exhausting romp around southern England worthy of a college-time summer backpacking trip either. 

Live in the moment people.  Lay worries to rest.  Appreciate every seond you have and you’re bound to meet people who expose you new places and ideas that you never imagined, people who make you realize more about yourself and your beliefs than you’d ever discover in a work-dinner-TV-party-work rotation.  You don’t have to go around the world to do it…just open up to the people around you and be aware of every moment you live and watch the good karma roll in.

We are going around the world though.  Phase 2 starts tomorrow.  Stay posted my friends…the adventure truly begins now…

Skip, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 19, 2007 by Andy.

So Ryan and I are having a lovely evening in London being shown the sites by Stevie and his girlfriend Lizzie when we get a phone call. It is from another Mongol Rally team comming from New York. The guy calling had actually e-mailed Ryan about two days ago saying that he was a native Texan and really wanted to meet us…probably because we are awesome and it emminates from everything we do…just my guess anyway. Anyway, he is calling telling us that he bought a car seen on site, like we did with our first vehicle, and he was driving it into London on the M25 and his clutch went out. Seeing as how he arrived here like a day ago, he did not have the contacts that we had so he was calling us because we were basically the only number that he had. What do we do you ask…well we be awesome, but our awesomeness was far outweighed by that of Steve, the one of ST Engineering in Haslemere for those of you that may be a little confused by all the Steves we have met.

In a desperate attempt to help the New Yorker, I called Steve just to pick his brain and ask him what they should do in order to get off of the side of the highway. Steve basically tells me that he cannot make any kind of suggestion because he does not know exactly what is wrong with the vehicle. I kept telling him that I was just trying to pick his brain, and that if he could not do anything then that was fine. Steve however, told me to give the New Yorker his number and have them call him. This was done, and we get a message later on the phone that Steve agreed to have their car towed to his workshop about 40 miles from where they were stuck. He agreed to help them sort out their troubles as long as they were willing to trade services (some of his daily work stuff). He also agreed to give them a place to stay…the generosity with this guy never ends. I hope that we sent him good people, but if they are doing the Mongol Rally then they have to be; we will operate on that assumption.

All you can do is just be awesome, and your awesomeness will be reflected by others…life lesson…take it to heart.

Andy Out (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 18, 2007 by Andy.

First off I would like to extend our most sincere and gracious thanks to Steve Theobald, his wife Liz, Steve’s dad Jeff, and Steve’s two children Scott and Jess.  They not only helped us with our car, but they fed, sheltered, and offered friendship to us when we were in need of some serious help.  IF anyone is interested, they have a fantastic collection of steam-engine cars, as well as various others (including Steve’s collection of VWs), here is a link to their page…http://www.steamcar.net/… check out the page that says Jeff’s page to find out about their awesome collection.  Cheers to their entire family.

So after we had our amazing cultural experience with the Irish bartender, we awoke a little groggy and headed to Steve’s shop to finish up the SJ.  Basically we were there just waiting on parts and various extras to arrive, so it was a relatively slow day.  Ryan and I did manage to get in a vigirous game of wall-ball though, my arm hurts today.  Well anyway, about 3pm Steve asked us if we wanted to go back to his house for the evening and have a barbecue…we tried to graciously decline saying that they had already done so much for us that we could not accept another thing, but Steve insisted that they send us off with a proper meal.  How do you turn that down…well let me tell you…YOU DON’T!  They prepared a proper feast including five different kinds of meat and a tasty spread of almost anything that you could think of.  It was their going away present to us, as if they had not already bent over backwards for us.  Cheers again.

After the meal, Ryan and I decided to go ahead and make the drive to London since there would probably not be a whole lot of traffic at 11pm.  We were partially right.  There was still traffic, but not like there is during the day…good decision.  There was one point where I was driving along minding my own business, when all of a sudden the nice 4 lane road that I was on turned into a 2 lane road without any warning with traffic traveling at 40-50mph.  What the hell is that all about?  They already drive on the wrong side of the road, and now they are just cutting me off for no reason.  We made it nonetheless.

Stevie, Ryan’s co-worker and friend, has generously offered his NICE apartment to us until Friday.  He lives on the northeast side of London for those of you that are familiar with the area.  Here in a bit we are off to go and see some of those things that we should see and be awesome in central London.  The word on the street is that we will have a hard time finding an actual ENglish person in London.  It is like a different world from the England that Ryan and I have come to know, and part of me will miss it.  There are no more rolling hills and green fields, but they have been replaced with skyscrapers and concrete, but it is the hub of England so we must be here by virtue of our awesomeness.  Additionally, we have one final stop to make before we are completely ready to depart, and that is to the allmighty “Wal-Mart.”  Even though I am still feuding with them, we have to go and make some purchases to aide us in our short 10,000 mile drive.

Andy Out (SkipLizard Homepage)

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July 16, 2007 by Andy.

I know that Ryan just did a brillaint job of recapping our weekend, but I would like to put it in my own words.  We went to one of the best beaches in England, stayed for next to nothing, learned how to surf (something that I had never even thought of before), and took in a sunset that will rival any in the U.S.  We also sold our car, hung out with some amazingly awesome people, and took the senic drive back to Malmesbury from Devon…that means up and down hills with a 25% grade…good thing we have a 4×4 Suzuki.

Anyway after this brilliant weekend, we went to Malmesbury where we had to meet the people that were buying the pretend charriot of awesome.  We camped there for the night and then headed to Haslemere to meet up with Steve and pick up some parts for the SJ.  We accomplished basically everything that we set out to do, and we were staying with Steve for the night, so guess what…we had to go out and see the local night life of Liphook.  We ended up n a pub with an Irish bartender that goes by the name of Willie.  Now let me tell you…there was a period where there were two Texans, Two Englishmen, and an Irishman having a conversation.  Basically we were speaking 3 different languages, but we all managed to understand each other with relative ease.  This was the first true Irishman that I had ever met, and you know that you have met an Irishman when he repeatedly tells you that Guiness anywhere but in Ireland is “shite.”  This man was the type of person that before he told you something that he truly meant would spit on his hand and shake yours…hey, i guess he was telling the truth.  Nonetheless, he welcomed Ryan and I with open arms, and if we ever return to Liphook England, not only do we have a place to stay, but we have a pub to be welcomed at.  Here’s to Willie and the class establishment that he runs.

Tomorrow we are off to  put the finishing touches on the SJ and then headed to London to see the Queen and all of her majesty…if you are lucky I might come back an honorary member of the royal family.

Andy Out.

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July 16, 2007 by dunny.

Scenario…you’re driving down a two-lane road on the western coast of England in a pitch-black, fog-to-the-waist night in England…trying to keep up with a a van that’s doing 55 down said road, which by the way has replaced road shoulders with 8-foot bushes…your only beacon is the tail lights of the VW camper screaming around the turns and getting smaller as each bend passes…you’re driving on the wrong side of the road…you’ve lost all sense of direction long ago…and you only hours before learned you were going to DEVON not DOVER.  What do you do, my friend?

That’s right…you be awesome.  Steve Theobold sold us our SJ and happily took the role as our mechanic a little over a week ago.  He housed us.  He partied with us.  His lovely wife Liz has fed us.  Then he told us we were going to the beach with him and his mate Alan.

Let me tell you about the two new Ambassadors of Awesome.  You’ve heard tale of Steve and his Pops and their garage and lines of fantastic old steam cars.  You haven’t heard tale of his fantastic yellow camper van and laid-back, adventurous spirit that tops even the skiplizards.  And let’s not forget Master Alan.  For the Austin folks, he’s Arthur in about 20 years.  We go to the beach…he knows where to park free.  We hit the beach-town…he knows not only where and when to be, but is recognized by roughly 97% of the people there.  We surf…he doesn’t stress a lesson, just gives us a quick pointer and right quick we’re standing on the board in a huge wave.

Alright…events recap.  We followed these dudes to Woolacombe Beach in Devon on the southwestern coast of England.  Take any ski town in the States and multiply it by a factor or two of cool and you’re there (and I know exactly how bold that statement is).  We rolled up Friday night and ran through a couple bars, then the night-club and had a completely badass night, closing shop in Alan’s camper and taking turns drifting in and out of the spirit world.  Wake up call Saturday was to the people staring at me and Andy passed out sitting up in our SJ and off for a heavy English breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs, baked beans, and tomatoes. 

Then we surfed.  Surfing rules all of awesome.  I’m hooked.  Andy’s bruised, sunburned, and hooked.  Wrap that up with a sunset so orange that Syracuse ducks down in shame and a nice little jam session in Steve’s camper and you got a hell of a day.  Nevermind the pub and birthday party we got to crash, or the locals we conversed with, or Steve and Alan introducing us around as the Texans who are here to drive to Mongolia…a night for the ages.

Should I mention we drove back to Malmesbury Sunday, sold our junk car, found out we had an article written about us in the local paper, camped, drove back down to Haslemere, worked more on the new SJ, then had a night with the local Irish bartender who is so awesome he deserves his own post?  Nah, I should leave Andy something to write about.

This is why you travel.  You meet people that appreciate your adventure and are truly interested in who you are and your reasons for living.  You meet people who aren’t afraid to open their house to you, to bring you boozing, to show you their beaches, to philosophize with you, to brag about you, to make an effort to know you.  You find kindred spirits in places you’d never even heard of before.  You make an ass of yourself as they do the same,  and suddenly you’ve got friends as close as you’ve ever known…and stories to make them look like idiots when you introduce them at your next meeting.

Oh, and they took us to Stonehenge.  You know, no big deal.  It was on the way.  People only plan entire vacations around it.  We stopped by and parked on the road for free and took in the scenery.  A Wonder of the World, just for the hell of it.

Just like SkipLizard.  A Wonder of the World.  But completely worth it.

Skip, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

PS…quick note…there has been a slight level of concern expressed regarding our partying ways.  Let this be an official reassurance that any money donated to us has either been routed to the charity designated by the giver or put directly to our Rally expenses (car, fuel, visas, border-guard/bandit bribery funds, etc).  All extra-curricular expenses are out of our own pockets.  And livers.  We can’t be sorry for being awesome

PPS…we now accept anonymous comments.  If you aint got the minimums, do it that way.  Whatever.  Just start talking.  Send us all that positive energy and Texas spirit.  Props here for Andrew and Abra Telly and Shane and Tasha for being regulars…remind us we’re dumbasses so we don’t get too cocky on some Uzbeki border  when we get stopped for sand surfing off a tow rope on the car hood.

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July 13, 2007 by Andy.

Ha…at last I am writing under my own name!

The last few days have provided us with some much need time to rest up for our big journey ahead.  For the most part we sat on the couch and took care of business during the day, and then in usual fashion we would spring to life when the sun started to set.  It doesn’t set here until like 10:30 and all the pubs close at 11:00…sad.  Ryan and I made ourselves at home with Sophie in Southampton–about 80 miles south of Malmesbury on the coast–where she provided us with a bed and a couch to rest our awesome bodies.  Ryan and I walked down into the town center, where we found that we were not in the least bit foreign because apparently the city attracts all type of people.  We walked around and in our best English accents made fun of ourselves as being “those damn Texans.”  For instance…(said in our best English accent)…”Those damn Texans…all they do is drink…it’s bloody madness!”  That will never get old, at least for us.

We saw the local pubs and decided to dine on proper fish and chips during our second night in Southhampton.  In our infinite wisdom we have decided that if anything is within walking distance we will walk there…basically that means that if it under 5 miles away we are walking.  So we decided to walk down the street to the local fish and chips place and have a proper English meal since we are in England and all.  We walked in and ordered 2 large cod, and 2 large chips.  We then walked to the beer store next door and purchased a sizeable amount and various quantity of adult beverages.  Upon returning to Sophie’s pad we discovered that we were locked out and nobody was home.  Problem???  Of course not…we walked around to the back of the house and sat in the yard…making due and just living a dream.  We then unpacked our dinner only to discover than when they said large cod…holy crap…they meant a cod the size of my arm.  I think that Ryan and I were possessing the entire state of North Carolina’s cod production for the entire year.  Somewhere in the ocean..the cod grow to the size of small whales…and we had two of them.  Not to mention that they were covered in grease that was eating through the paper they were wrapped in.  We decided to try and rub the “greasy cod” on the door and see if it would melt the door down so we could get inside…it didnt work.  Well…in true Texas style we ate the whole lot of them…and nearly threw up.  It was good, but beware of the devilfish cod.  So then we decided that we had to kill the beast that we had consumed that was living in our stomachs…what did we do you ask…tried to kill it with ALL of the booze that we bought at the store.  The fish put up a valiant effort and fought through all of the German beer, but the fish met its match with two whole bottles of painthinner-wine.  “Die you devilfish!!!!”  In all of our malay in the back yard we managed to piss off the neighbors who incidentally complained the next day, it was probably about the dirty lymericks we were creating and screaming about a spear and a greasy cod…use your imagination.

We barbecued the next night on a “wal-mart” grill that was purchased under heavy protest by me after the cashier refused to sell me beer.  What was she thinking?  I showed her my Texas driver’s license…that i better than a passport, but she did not agree.  Evil “wal-mart” is taking over the world and making the world dumber (I just spelled dumber…dummer…wtf mate)…”Die devil store!!!!!”

We are now in Haslemere waiting on Steve to clean out his hippie van so that we may proceed to Devon.  Apparently is one of the nicer beaches in England.  Cheers…No worries.

Andy, out. (SkipLizard Homepage)

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